So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
