I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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