I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you never un-have a 4some
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
