If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
