If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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