you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
