how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He better not be in your backpack
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
