grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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