Can i not drive my cunt home
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
