What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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