i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
