Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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