Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
