i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
