My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
