All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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