oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
