i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
