I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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