when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
