quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
