i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
