Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
