we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
