She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
