this beer tastes like vomit already
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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