A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
