im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
