They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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