I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
