Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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