I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
