I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
