im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Green mimosas i think yes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
