last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
