I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
