I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
