she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
