I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
two words: eviction party
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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