this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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