the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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