like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
