You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
