So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
