a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
