Will you blow on my dice?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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