I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dick very happy bro
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
