spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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