Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
