it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
