I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
