The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
