I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
