plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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