Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
